Sapphire's Shinra Shenanigans
by Sparky the Pixel
Summary: Side story to 'Anxious, Worn Out and With a Bad Concussion'. Sapphire's life isn't unfolding as easy as she'd hoped in Shinra. The main story goes over her biggest blunders and mistakes, as you'd expect, but there's more that goes on in the Shinra building than just that. Enjoy! Read inside for details!
1. When Zack found Cobalt sleeping

'In nineteen ninety something-or-other, a woman disguised as a man went to Shinra for reasons I didn't explain very well. This woman promptly caused a lot of bother and thoroughly messed up the lives of many innocent Shinra employees. Today, still freaking people out, she survives as people ask me what _other stuff _happened. If you have a question, if no one else has asked already, and if I agree...maybe you will get, a _chapter_!'

*The A-Team theme music plays*

If that hasn't explained it well enough, allow me to explain. Recently, one of my favourite reviewers requested this; "_can you please write a short about the time Zack found her sleeping on her head behind the television? And possibly give a reason why? I'm really, really curious about how that played out. Or what others would think..._"

That gave me an idea. And as my ideas tend to do, it grew into a little story.

Thanks to AnonyMouse, if anyone wishes to find something out, all you have to do is ask! Readers of 'Anxious, Worn Out and With a Bad Concussion', if you have a request about something pertaining to the story (it can be anything, whether it's some event mentioned in passing or just a question you have that could be answered with a little chapter, maybe this one-off little story can have an extra few added chapters...just sayin'. ;)

I don't own anything, anyone or anywhere you recognise. Sapphire, along with a few others who'll crop up every now and then, are mine.

Also, as much as I wish I did, I don't own The A-Team either.

Oh, and by the way, you **shouldn't** read this until you've read **Chapter 5** of 'Anxious, Worn Out and With a Bad Concussion', as that's where the scene is mentioned...but you might want to read up to Chapter 7, as it contains allusions to something that happens in that chapter.

To AnonyMouse, and to everyone wondering what truly happened the night Zack found Cobalt sleeping on his head, read...and be amazed!

(...Ooh, I made that sound dramatic, didn't I? :D)

* * *

I'd like to say I was an ordinary girl-actually, scratch that, and let me start again.

As much as I enjoy saying I wasn't an ordinary girl, there wasn't a day that went by when I didn't think what life would be like.

If I hadn't decided to join Shinra. If I hadn't decided that cross-dressing was the best way to make it in Midgar. If I hadn't left Mideel. If I hadn't left _home_.

Well, now that I think about it, if I hadn't left home I'd be dead. So it might be in my best interest to scrap that last one, there.

The thing is, two years before joining Shinra, I lost everything _except_ my life. I unknowingly left my home and everyone I knew to die from a Shinra-related incident, and travelled for a while. I actually enjoyed those few months, even if for a part of them I was grieving horribly. But I didn't have a Gil to my name, nor a home or a single possession worth anything to anyone but myself.

My rapier may have earned me a hefty enough sum if I had sold it, now that I think back, but I never considered such a thing, not for a second; the last weapon my father made was not going to be sold only to be put on display or given to someone who didn't know the story behind it to use. Anyone who offered me a price I contentedly threatened to skewer on the end of the sharp blade; that got them running.

Travelling for what felt like years, and though I really couldn't have gone too far, was an incredible experience I didn't want to repeat. For weeks I had to swallow down my pride and beg for food from people my equal, and though more often than not people would turn their noses up and stride on by, muttering something about spending all my money on 'hair dye', there were quite a few people who frequented the area and knew I was legitimately broke and tossed a few coins onto the ground in front of me. Most of the time I gained enough to buy me a meal and rent me a cheap room for the night.

After a while of this, and refusing the occasional illegal fight clubs that were mentioned to me in passing (I was certain I would've accepted if I hadn't idolised my ex-Turk mother like I had, who was surprisingly law-abiding) I moved to Mideel. I made sure to clean myself up before, wanting to make a fresh start in the sweet little town, but I could only look so tidy after spending months crawling after Gil and then spending a day travelling on the road.

I know what you're thinking. _This is all very boring and uninteresting, and I couldn't care less about your angsting about your past._

Don't worry; I left it all in the past. If I ever speak of my past now, it's either a joke or mentioned in passing. I only cry and angst now over missing popcorn when a movie's on.

But all of this was explained for a reason. My story did have a moral; albeit a meaningless one.

I don't sleep in beds.

Seriously.

I was just an ordinary girl, like anyone really, but then I spent a couple of months either on street corners or in the loft of a struggling inn, stinking of alcohol and rot, and without a bed.

The first night I spent there I didn't think twice; just curled up on the floor, cuddled my bag close to my chest and slept, sure enough. The second night was a bit of a bother, as I just couldn't find a position, but from then on only necessities were needed.

After a couple of weeks the innkeeper dragged up a dusty old mattress into the space for my use, covered in a stained light brown sheet. I pulled the sheet off, wrapped myself in it and fell asleep in my usual spot with my back against the wall.

When I moved to Mideel, having bought a small apartment in advance, I entered to a cosy little place that was more colourful than anything I'd seen in days and made me smile. The bedroom was little, could've been less than a third of the size of the loft, with a little bed and wardrobe. Only one of those pieces of furniture saw any use that night.

I can't tell you how it happened. I don't know myself to explain it to you, but I pulled the wardrobe out from the wall, killed any little apartment stowaways with a stamp of my boot, and rested against the wall behind the wardrobe, my hands in my pockets and my eyes closed to the gloom.

I woke up a few hours later by falling over on my side. To my shock, I realised that it wasn't the sleeping that had woken me, it was simply that I had fallen off-balance. I remember looking back up to where I had slumbered behind the wardrobe, and shaking my head at myself in a manner that I thought myself insane.

I felt oddly refreshed after the nap, though, and went to have a cup of tea. And after that...

Well, I don't know what to tell you. I never tried the bed, and seeing as I had such a good night's sleep behind the wardrobe, that was where I consistently returned when the sun sank too low to continue with daytime chores.

I remembered the woman who sold me the apartment once coming up to pay me a visit, and she told me that she was impressed with how tidy I kept the place. I recalled looking around at the sparse room, only containing decorations from before I arrived, and shrugging it off. There was a time I was the messiest person ever, and I couldn't tidy stuff away to save my life - why bother if I always knew where stuff was where it was?

And I remembered that thought I had, that all I had brought, everything I had in the world, they weren't things I wanted on display, even though she was the first visitor I'd had. And they weren't really appropriate decorations anyway; rapier, dagger, that sort of thing.

There was the photo, but that sort of thing would always remain on my person and never leave. Not even to be shown to others surrounded by a pretty frame.

Other than those few things, my life was fairly normal. I went out, had a laugh, had a few odd jobs around Mideel, and then I had a dream. And then SOLDIER First Class Commander Angeal Hewley knocked on my door...and the rest is history.

The first day we (we being Zack Fair the puppy, Ash Matthias the 'only' girl Cadet and Will Carmichael the Turk-wannabe) arrived at Shinra and got our apartment, I thought the place was good and spacious. I had jumped on the bed and bounced on it a little, and sat on it for a while. It wasn't the comfiest bed in the world, but it was better than anything I'd slept on in years.

My first night there was...well, I'd say weird, but that probably means very little coming from me.

I spent hours shifting uncomfortably, eventually lying with my feet on the pillow end, my hands behind my bed and staring at the ceiling. I was in pyjamas - would you believe they _issued Shinra pyjamas_ (though they were optional) - but a woolly hat was pulled on very firmly over my head, little strands of messy blue locks sticking out beneath.

I could not get into a comfortable position, as every way I turned there was some part of my anatomy giving me bother. Also, the hat was making me itch so I was unlikely to get any sleep even if I _did_ get comfy; and I didn't even consider taking the hat off. Zack seemed like a heavy enough sleeper, but even so, nerves would never let me relax.

After far too long a time spent in contemplation, I got to my feet and left the room, pillow and duvet under my arm, and looked around the main living area of the apartment, trying to find what would be _my_ spot.

First and most logically, I tried the sofa - same problem as the bed. I tried across the coffee table, but it was even worse. I tried lying on the kitchen counter...and spent a brief amount of time wondering why I would do such a thing. I tried on the floor and against the wall in various different positions, which was surprisingly comfortable enough, until I decided that people tripping over me on lazy mornings were likely to develop into a problem. So then I tried standing on my head...

It solved the floor/tripping problem, that was a given, but there was the issue of not being balanced; it was probable that in the middle of the night I'd take a little tumble. Odd as it sounds, I'd found my position; it wasn't very comfortable but it was as comfy as I could ever hope to be...though I knew I'd need my helmet tonight, and every other night, so I went to fetch it.

My eyes swept across the room in search of a location for my rest, and I found a corner where two walls met. I felt my face lift in joy, and looked around carefully at the four corners of the room.

The most appropriate, free one was to my right, with nothing there to clutter it up at all; except there was a light switch on the wall. I was a short person, and will forever be one, and while I wasn't short enough to kick it with my big toe and light up the entire room, it was exactly at the level of my knee, if I was on my head. Shaking my head, I moved on.

The second one had a television in the corner, so that was out of the question.

The third one was right beside the door to the shared bathroom, so I could see that as an immediate problem.

And the fourth was in our little kitchen area, and the corner space contained a _fridge_. Convenient.

I first decided to go for the free corner with the light switch, and quickly decided that I didn't need to be hasty when getting into position for my sleep; my first try involved a leap onto my hands, an action which eagerly sent me into the wall and enabled me to bang my head while my arms collapsed under my body's weight.

Therefore, slowly and deliberately, the second time I rested myself on my hands and feet, completely stretched out, and crawled my way up the wall, feet going higher as my hands held me closer. It worked out absolutely fine, but it gradually became clear that this was not the place for me.

Not only did I manage to turn the light on two times before settling into a comfortable-enough position on my head, but I also felt rather exposed; a feeling I wasn't expecting. If someone entered from the bathroom or the hallway outside, they'd have a full view and be staring directly at me. Plus these were _Cadet_ apartments, and there was a noticeable chip or hole beneath the carpet right where my head was and I began to feel quite self-conscious.

I was beginning to think this whole idea was simply a terrible idea, but I brushed that thought off and continued with my investigations. I knew I couldn't sleep in a bed, because of the helmet and its surprisingly-easy removability. Sleeping on my head meant that I'd have to be physically _lifted_ to see what's beneath the helmet, and I thought that to be as secure as I could possibly be.

Shockingly, the next most reasonable option was to sleep on my head behind the television. I dipped my head and shook it from side to side, disbelieving that my life had gotten so desperately weird in such a short time frame, but soldiered on in the same perseverance I was hoping would get me into SOLDIER.

I pulled the TV out slightly from the wall, and stepped in carefully behind it on my tiptoes. Behind the television was some wires as you'd expect, but not near as many as I had anticipated. In fact, there was a good, clean head-sized hole right behind it in amongst the wires, so I slowly got closer to the ground and began to manoeuvre myself up into a headstand, being very cautious and ensuring that if I were to fall in any direction, it would not be forward into the TV.

I managed it, and to this day I still don't know how, but I also pulled the TV back into position. I let out a happy sigh, and shifted my position many times, to see if I could actually get comfortable.

It was unbearably strange, lying upside down and trying to get to sleep like this, but it worked. It was a bit strange at first, dealing with gravity and all being upside down, but the helmet stopped my head from being hurt by my body weight, and I wasn't dead straight, somewhat diagonal so the blood flow wasn't hindered as badly as it could've been. But despite all odds, I got myself to sleep, and woke up early in the morning with a thump as my hip bone connected jarringly with the floor.

I got myself a large bruise there, and placed deliberate care over my manoeuvres until it had faded to a light green and stopped hurting; but within that time, something that could've turned bad happened.

It was an ordinary night like any other. We watched a hilarious movie Ash had kindly brought and offered to put on (about pirates and cursed treasure and ships and a monkey, but I'm getting off track) and headed off to bed at the respectable time of ten-ish. Despite our general lack of sense, we discovered quite quickly that the best preparation for Shinra training was a good night's sleep the day before and lots and lots of sugary treats, so we generally got a quiet and good amount of sleep.

Those were just the ground rules for our apartment; this was quite clearly shown, given that Kawi (the recently-crowned Cadet joker) and his three just-as-crazy roommates were just down the hall from us, and though we didn't really have a problem with them, tension could be seen brewing from the twelve or sixteen Cadets who were unfortunate enough to get their apartment-rooms opposite or next to Kawi's.

Feigning a lazy inability to get up from the sofa after the movie from where I had sunk into the cheap but comfortable piece of furniture, I only had to wait there a few minutes for Zack, Will and Ash to head off to their beds. I had to admit, I was surprised that Zack had yet to confront me about the issue of me never seeming to _sleep_ - he must've noticed that I never actually slept in the bed adjacent to his.

I eased myself to my feet and headed to the bathroom, carrying out my usual nightly duties. Change myself, toilet break, wash hands, splash some water on my face, brush my teeth - and the newly added action, check for any errant long locks of hair and shove them up into the helmet. I'd give myself a last look over in the mirror, and then head off to the television to settle down for the night, waiting for the morning when all the same checks would be repeated.

I was settled and dozing into unconsciousness when I thought I heard a voice from somewhere close by. It roused me just slightly, but not enough for my mind to start working properly.

A few seconds later, it happened again, and I reacted in a similar way; not at all. My half-awake state told me that it was from somewhere in the apartment, though.

And then it happened again, though this time it was loud enough for me to actually make out what the sound was. "Coby?" That was the sound of Zack's voice, and not sleepy and dreamy, but sounding alert and somewhat concerned.

I reached a hand down to rub at my eyes, but it was such a lazily-performed action that it just made me more groggy. My hand made a muffled thump as it fell onto the floor, with me being too tired to return it to its original position in my pyjama pockets.

I didn't think I remembered ever being in such a dozy state in my life, so much so I didn't even recognise the sound of bare feet tapping on the floor getting closer as a problem.

And as I was trying to return to sleep, my friend performed the rudest action I've ever been witness to, and it was on me!

At midnight, or perhaps later, on a night where we would all most assuredly have to be awake very early in the morning, my kooky friend and roommate quite simply grabbed my ankles and heaved. I wasn't sure what really happened after I felt his hands grasp my ankles - I only remembered my hands flying to keep my helmet in place - and then next thing I knew, the world was the right way up, and I was standing on the floor in front of the television, suddenly wide awake and facing a nonplussed bed-head, scratching the back of his neck and staring at me with confused, half-closed eyes.

He pointed a finger in my face, and I was surprised with how steady he was, considering his sleep-deprived state. "I expect a bar of chocolate and an explanation this night, Coby, and I will provide neither," he announced, in all seriousness, and marched to the kitchen area.

Grimacing, I could do little but follow. Rubbing my eyes as I went, I blindly managed to find the cupboard where Ash kept the ever-growing stack of chocolate bars, and retrieved a handful with my other hand before slamming the door closed and throwing the bars on the counter, on the opposite side of it to Zack.

It just goes to show that my mum was an excellent tutor; even when practically dead from lack of sleep, I still knew that Zack was a powerful and inquisitive enough enemy that I would be smart to keep some sort of wall or line of defence between us. She would be so proud.

Rubbing my eyes, and ripping open one of the wrappers, I silently and tentatively waited for Zack to begin his interrogation.

And a second later, ripping off the top of the wrapper of his own chocolate bar, he did. "Would you like to tell me why the _heck_ I wake up in the middle of the night, realise you're not there, and then see feet and ankles sticking up behind the TV?" he questioned simply, sounding weary as he ate half the chocolate bar in one huge bite.

Meanwhile, I felt so much like a girl as I nibbled on my own. "...If I said April Fools, would you believe me?"

I was fixed with a deadpan look from the dark-haired Cadet opposite me. "For one, it turned midnight a while after I woke up. For another, I woke up a day or two ago in the middle of the night and noticed you weren't there, but fell right to sleep after. For another, it's a terrible April Fools' Day prank. Oh, and did I forget to mention, it's _September_?"

I frowned thoughtfully, and nodded my head in acceptance. "Yeeeah, that's a pretty well-rounded argument you have there, bud," I conceded, gave a shrug, and gnawed on a part of my chocolate bar.

Zack rolled his eyes, but said nothing for a little while. I examined him, and he gave me a _look_. One that said, _If you stop stalling and actually answer the question, there's a chance I won't kill you. Get explaining_.

Something about that expression on Zack's face unnerved me somewhat, so I started explaining. "For a few months around two years ago I did a little exploring, and lived in a place that didn't have a bed. I slept against the wall, and haven't used a bed since." Short and sweet, and with very little actual _truth_ to it, but there you go. It was what Zack was getting.

His expression didn't change, and he simply stared at me. After a little while, I couldn't help sniggering, and that seemed to break him out of it. "...Assuming that actually makes sense - which it doesn't, but for argument's sake - why on your _head_?" he begged to know, his voice comically straining towards the end of his sentence as he gestured wildly to my head. The chocolate bar fell out of his hand and landed on the floor, and he stared at it with a melancholic "Awww..."

I threw another at his head, and he grabbed it, rolling a hand to indicate I should proceed with my explanation as he devoted all his attention to devour the treat. "The...only position I was comfortable in?"

He took a moment to lick at his fingers, and as my terrible explanation sunk in, he stared at me with half-closed, disbelieving eyes. "Uh-_huh_," he sarcastically replied. "And, what, the centre of the room was too chilly? The _couch_ was too comfortable? The _fridge_ was in the way? Wha-"

"That last one was actually true!" I cut in enthusiastically, glad to finally be able to defend myself in a proper way; though with the look Zack fixed me with, it was less _properly_ and more _idiotically_.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, and in that moment he looked as thoughtful and intellectual as I believed I'd ever see him. With this new serious nature, I decided that I'd best get on Zack's good side as he thought through all I'd offered him, and got to my feet, picking up the half-eaten chocolate bar and putting it in the bin, along with the wrapper of his second one.

I turned back to look at him, and when I saw him staring at me with a perplexed look, I fixed him with my biggest and brightest grin. He did nothing but sigh.

And then, his tummy rumbled-_loudly_. He groaned wordlessly and clenched it, bending low enough over the desk to rest his forehead on the tabletop. "I had too much chocolate..." he whined a second later, muffled by the table.

An opportunity! "You know what the cure for that is?"

He looked up at me, pouting with his chin on the desk, and it was plain to see why his slowly-developing puppy-dog nickname was coming about.

I grinned, and overcoming my awkward tentativeness, grabbed his hand excitedly and confidently. "Let's go steal some chocolate from Kawi!"

The porcupine-headed Cadet let me pull him to his feet and halfway to the door as he thought, and finally declared "Okay!" and then I was the one being pulled.

After that, long story short, we received our payback in the form of an embarrassing video of our first class of 'Situation and Reaction Training', but we got a butt-load of chocolate from the secret stash he kept boasting about.

(Butt-load; approximately 475-480 litres...only in chocolate.)

* * *

Hope you guys enjoyed this! And if you have any requests yourself to see a mentioned but unexplained scene in future, or have a simple question beginning with something like "How would Sapphire react if...?" I'd be happy to answer in any way I can! Just if you have any speculations, about Sapphire or any other one of my made-up characters... It would make me happy as a clam to see what you're thinking.

Or tell me to stick to the actual story, if you think this was rubbish. Or to my schoolwork. You know. Your opinion. ;)


	2. How Zack and Cobalt became Puppies

Heh, that first chapter did _not_ get a lot of views. Maybe this chapter'll bump up those stats!

But, my apologies to you guys, it might be a little while before I upload the next chapter of 'Anxious, Worn Out, and With a Bad Concussion'. It may take a while-not only will I be extremely busy with summer exams coming, but the next chapter is going to be ma-hoo-sive; it's going to be in two parts, you lucky, lucky people! I'll upload it all at the same time, but that'll need a _lot_ of working. Plus, I have an idea of how I can write in a little challenge for you guys... Exciting, huh?

This chapter was _not_ a request by a reviewer. It's just something I thought up to ask myself; "_why did Angeal start calling Zack and Coby puppies?_" I thought it might be fun, you know.

I don't own anything, anyone or anywhere you recognise. Sapphire, along with a few others who'll crop up every now and then, are mine.

Hmm... I don't think you really need to have read that far, but just for a reference number, read up to how much I've posted right now-that would be up to **Chapter 10**. Just to be safe. It doesn't really matter though-it's just a laugh.

This chapter is (obviously) also where I came up with the cover art for. That was drawn by me! That means you can be as critical and mean about it as you like. Of course, it's far from perfect, but hey, that's me. Plus, I forgot to put in their collars... Oops. :D

(By the way, the picture is supposed to be _sort of_ from Angeal's view. The bottom one is how Angeal expects Cobalt to look, as a puppy, without the helmet. Just in case people could be getting confused about whether it was Cobalt or Sapphire or whoever.)

So, this chapter is for the people who wondered just _how_ Angeal's Puppy nickname for Zack and Cobalt came about. Enjoy, and have a happy April Fools' Day!

* * *

Angeal was not expecting such an eventful and strange day when he woke up that morning.

Waking up with ease and in his comfortable, familiar, huge, Shinra-provided bed at his own time was a temporary luxury that the First Class SOLDIER felt would be easily gotten-used-to. It wasn't often that any Shinra employee, much less a SOLDIER got anything _close_ to a lie in.

The general attitude of the entirety of SOLDIER was that lie-ins were the best thing about being picked to teach new Cadets. Other than the extremely rare calls to missions for teachers, they spent the vast majority of their time in Shinra Headquarters in Midgar, so there were bound to be lazy days.

This was one of them. The Cadets were given a break, just for today, and most teachers were making the best of this opportunity and catching up on sleep. Angeal knew that Genesis would _definitely_ be one of those - assuming he wasn't off terrorizing Blue, or something.

It was days like this that made Angeal regret being the responsible one.

From the second he entered Shinra he had been nothing but devoted to his life in SOLDIER. As a young man in Banora, his family may have been comparatively poor, but his mother had raised him to be a cheerful boy who would enjoy life, while also ingraining in him the importance of maintaining honour, and the unmatchable joy that came from reaching one's greatest dream and ambition.

Seeing as he would see his mother less and less as he worked a long way away in the city of Midgar, he took the wise woman's teachings to heart and vowed to teach what she had implanted in him to others. This made Angeal appear light-years more friendly and approachable than his two friends in Shinra, with his down-to-earth, reliable and kindness, along with his words of advice.

Angeal was very adaptable. He grew up as a poor boy in Banora, spending a lot of his time collecting Banora White apples from the trees, and had extremely fond memories of his time there. The change to come to Midgar and enter SOLDIER was abrupt and startling, but he was one of the first young men in his group to adapt to the life in Shinra, with his good friend Genesis being one of the last.

And since getting used to rising early was a necessity as a SOLDIER in his prime, there wasn't a morning when the SOLDIER Commander found himself willing and even _able_ to sleep in. Every morning, without fail, he rose with the sun - often _earlier_ - and spent the morning pushing his capabilities to their limits when training himself. How else would he keep on top of his game, and maintain his honour?

He knew Sephiroth was the same, being able to get up early and spend hours putting himself through his own brutal training regime; the only difference being that, while Angeal always rose early, Sephiroth was lucky enough to have some sort of internal alarm clock, which allowed him to get up at whatever time he felt like. Early for mission days, earlier if he wanted training beforehand, and days like this with teaching Cadets, it wasn't often the SOLDIER General was seen out of his room before lunch had been consumed.

And, naturally, then came Genesis. The Commander rarely rose early, and any training he put himself through, while fierce and strenuous, was done in the afternoon. His rich and somewhat lazy upbringing helped Genesis grow accustomed to lazy days and lie-ins, and before he became a Commander of SOLDIER he was late for everything that occurred before one. That's not to say the red-coated First Class wasn't capable of rising early with proper reason and incentive (the sun was nowhere in sight on some of the mornings he went to rouse Blue) but he simply did what he preferred.

So, basically, Sephiroth would likely still be asleep, or preparing for the day with something to do. Genesis would be sound out for a good number of hours, as would most of the rest of Shinra. And Angeal would be wide awake for the next few hours with nothing, or at most very little, to do.

With a laboured sigh, the frowning SOLDIER rose from his bed, planning out his training routine for the day as he readied himself.

...

Eerie silence thickly surrounded Angeal from all sides as he strode with purpose to his destination; the gym on the 50th floor. Of the two gyms in the entire Shinra building (well, the two proper, big ones with all the equipment, that is) he felt somewhat more comfortable using floor 50; 64 had only recently been refurbished. And while Angeal didn't really mind which he used, it was a more habitual thing to go to floor 50 than any other. Plus, if anyone was against using up something that could break or begin rusting as a result of use, it certainly was Angeal. He felt far more at ease when using fairly old equipment, knowing that its slow destruction was coming before Angeal ever got there.

And yet, as he approached, the sound of a steady 'whirr' of running machinery made him stop, before collecting himself and cautiously continuing forward. It only got louder, assuring his predictions of someone already being in the gym. Curiosity spurred him faster forward, and very quickly he found himself walking with long strides through the automatic door into the room.

And what he saw there startled him. Only the treadmill was on, set at an incline and moving at walking pace. The steady, repetitive thumping of feet on the machine he could hear from the doorway, but from the frequency he had expected the person to be running.

Hence, the confusion when instead of a person at a fast pace, he saw two puppies scampering on the treadmill, their little paws hitting down hard on the machine, mouths open and tongues lolling to keep them cool.

And loitering beside the machine, resting against either side and looking down at the pups, stood Blue and Black of the colourful Cadet trio. Zack was crouched in front of the two with encouraging words, getting the puppies excited, while Cobalt was stood to his full height with a box of bone-shaped dog treats in his hand.

Angeal was stupefied at the odd situation, and decided that the fact the two Cadets hadn't noticed him yet was a good thing. It gave his brain some time to work through the situation and figure out an appropriate course of action - and a good punishment, to boot.

For one thing, Cadets weren't allowed to operate the machines without a SOLDIER, Turk or Director present. The dogs had no collars on, so they were likely strays and therefore not allowed in the building. In the unlikely event that the dogs belonged to someone, the Cadets were stealing, and if they belonged to the Cadets then they should have collars and leashes on. Also, the Commander was pretty sure that there was some sort of rule against animals being allowed on the machines. If any animal was, it certainly wouldn't be stray puppies - perhaps Dark Nation was allowed, if the Vice President was feeling bored.

Angeal watched the two boys and the dogs carry on for a little time, and soon realised that the two Cadets were making it out to be a competition between the two pups. Zack was only speaking to the Dalmatian-coloured one, pure white with black spots, a lean body and pointy, pricked up ears. He completely ignored the other, a tri-coloured one with floppy brown ears and the fluffiest tail he had ever seen, though this dog was getting regularly-tossed treats from Blue.

The First Class could see nothing wrong with the dogs, at first glance; in fact, they looked happy and healthy, if not a little bit hungry. He knew, however, that they could be carriers to plenty of diseases, or could be dangerous and unpredictable, or could be un-housetrained. Angeal didn't know which was worse. The possibilities were endless.

He approached the two pairs, somewhat tentative now as he'd thought of all the complications. The puppies' bright eyes glanced over in his direction, the spotted one's a light shade of sky blue, the other a darker, richer shade of blue, but simply continued their little jog; the Cadets didn't even notice him at all.

Angeal found himself a little startled at the colours, though; their eyes so closely matched those of their adoptive owners. Zack's eyes were that same, bright shade of blue. Cobalt's hair and eyes were that same darker colour, and he remembered back to his sister having just the same.

And yet, those eyes were nowhere near as sharp as their pups', nor were they as aware of their surroundings. How sad.

"Having fun, Cadets?" Angeal enquired; his voice light but serious at the same time, and stood back to watch the scene play out with a smile playing across his face.

Zack's reaction was the most sudden; he gave a shout before the Commander had even finished the sentence, and awkwardly fell back on his hindquarters. Blue was equally startled, and let out a gasp and a jerk as he swivelled to face Angeal - sending the box of treats flying in the process.

The two pups watched this, their panting and bright eyes riveted to the boys giving the impression that they were getting as much amusement out of their reactions as Angeal was. And as soon as the treat box began to fly, the scavengers scrambled off the treadmill and skidded as quickly as they could in the direction it would land.

"A-Angeal!" Zack welcomed, sporting a huge grin on his face that reeked of childish guiltiness and panic. Blue bared his teeth in a similar fashion, stepping up beside his companion, his hands wringing in front of him.

"Morning, you two," he responded with nonchalance, before sending a meaningful glance over the tops of the Cadets, to the two mongrels now growling and nipping and fighting each other over the box of treats. The brown, bone-shaped snacks were scattered everywhere, and were still spilling to the floor from the box by the dozen. "Mind telling me where you picked up the puppies?"

Blue's eyes lit up, though he clearly maintained his apprehension. "Uh...we went outside for a-"

"No, Coby!" Zack interrupted almost as soon as the other boy started talking, and one of Angeal's eyebrows raised. Zack turned back to his tutor, his hands spread out beside him as if to plead his innocence for him. "Coby was relaxing on the ground floor while _I_ went outside for a jog. I must've been jogging for only about five seconds before I saw them.

"They _were_ on Shinra property - they were just outside, so I figured it wasn't too terrible. Plus, they were fighting to get the box of treats open, and they were so _cute_, so I opened it for them..." As the boy's voice trailed off, he looked to the ground, heat beginning to rush to his cheeks. "...And thought it might be cool, you know, since Coby mentioned something about going to the gym..."

At this, Angeal's eyes critically glanced over to the porcupine-headed boy's companion, Angeal feeling like he shouldn't be giving Zack all of the punishment. Blue 'meep'ed, and straightened up under the First Class SOLDIER's gaze. "You mentioned the gym? When?" he questioned.

"It was just a thought. Since it was a day off, and we woke up early and were so bored _instantly_, I thought it might be good to get permission from Cliff or someone to go to the gym later on," he explained himself, at least giving himself that little bit of innocence. That was only hypothetical, though; he had gone to the gym anyway.

Angeal folded his arms, thinking on this. "So, while you were planning to do the right thing and ask permission, you decided instead to break at least _two_ rules?" he critically asked, his brow furrowed.

Blue had the right reaction; the boy jumped at the emphasis he had placed, and looked somewhat apologetic. Zack, meanwhile, looked nonchalant - which was a bad look when being told off by a Commander of SOLDIER with a huge sword resting on his back. "Well, hey, we figured we had already broken one rule of having stray animals. We were getting in trouble anyway." Zack shrugged after his dooming statement.

In a swift move, Blue turned to his friend. "Zack, seriously, what on _Gaia_ was that?" he growled, his eyes wide and taken aback. The boy threw his hands in the air. "What is _wrong_ with you? _That's_ supposed to make us seem innocent? What the _heck_ is your problem?!"

"We were being punished, Coby, we're not innocent!" Zack seemed genuinely offended that his companion would call him up on this, until he turned to face Angeal. The SOLDIER might as well have had steam blowing out of his ears; he couldn't look more serious or angry. "...Meep..." he quietly expressed his fear.

There was silence for a few moments, during which the two Cadets stared at their superior with tremendous, undisguised fear. To call the look Angeal gave the two youngsters a judgemental glare would be to downplay the intensity of the stare to the point of offensiveness.

Angeal had a huge amount of patience and a heart of gold. He was friendly, but he was responsible and honourable. He was serious, but calm the vast majority of the time; even in the middle of a battlefield he never lost his head.

Legends throughout Shinra told of the times Angeal lost his temper. The fact that he was always so level-headed made the stories spread farther and faster. Angeal had a way with words that could rival even Genesis, and when he really got going, it was almost as though he had drawn his sword and was poking the sharp end right into the most sensitive spots of the person getting the verbal beat-down.

Famously, back when Angeal had only been in Shinra a few years, a Third Class on the verge of being promoted to Second, he was on a mission with a few First Classes and some other Third Classes. The leader of the mission supposedly made a miscalculation that resulted in the death or severe injury of some of his comrades, and Angeal the tough but lowly Third Class knew about it.

Angeal had confronted the man in private, and by the end of it, Angeal was the stepped-in acting leader, and led the group to success with no further casualties. They said that was how Angeal was promoted to Second, now that they'd had a space free; after all, the other man was declared unfit, and went into therapy. It wasn't the nicest ending, to be honest.

Everyone knew the story, but much less believed it. The two Cadets, as they stared into the slowly calming eyes of the Commander, unanimously decided that it was probably true.

Angeal's hand rose to rub his forehead. The action had been slow, with hopes not to startle the pair of Cadets, but Blue jolted backwards and Zack jumped. The SOLDIER let out a heavy sigh, and looked to the duo. "Please, just get the puppies again and get them out of here," he pleaded, his deep voice carrying a dark undertone.

"Get...the puppies?" Blue reacted in confusion, blinking his big blue eyes rapidly, his head twisting from left to right. Zack had a similar reaction, though he just spun around and stormed to the still-running treadmill, crumbs of treats lying scattered all over the floor.

Zack looked back to the two other people in the room. "The puppies are gone!" he exclaimed the blatantly obvious, before crouching low to the ground to pointlessly look under the still running treadmill, clearly too close to the floor to have the strays under it. Without a word, the boy got to his feet and charged out of the gym, hollering for the two pups to come out of hiding.

Angeal rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling pressure building and frustration and tiredness rising, so he pulled out a chair and sunk down into it with a soothing sigh. His eyes flickered back open at the sound of footsteps, and he absentmindedly watched as Blue shovelled a few handfuls of the scattered treats into his pockets before leaving the room and scampering off down the adjacent corridor to the one Zack went down.

The SOLDIER didn't quite know why he was on such a short tether today. Perhaps he had just woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe he had done that, but the reason he was only getting grouchier was due to the knowledge that, even if he returned to bed to rest, he'd get no sleep until night-time.

More than likely though, his irritation was likely down to the faint sense of betrayal he felt when he saw the two Cadets, particularly Zack, going against the rules and deliberately breaking them. Angeal thought he had been straight and stern enough with Zack as his tutor to get across the importance of the rules set, and the honour of following the rules given to a 'T'.

This sounded like it needed some work. The Commander made a note to himself that he should take Zack for longer and more thorough lessons over the next while, and also to have a word with Genesis. Because sure, it seemed like Zack had been the one to cause this event, but Blue was far from innocent. Angeal could only hope that Genesis would issue an appropriate punishment.

Angeal felt like he was finally calm after he had time to sort through his thoughts, but it was all for naught when he reopened his eyes and realised that those two kids were taking a _very long time_ to find those puppies. His brow furrowed in frustration, wondering how it could've taken the boys such a long time to search only one floor.

He swept to his feet and went to the door, intending to go and find the two Cadets; but as he heard soft whispering on the other side of the door, he slowed to a stop and listened to the frantic, quiet conversation.

"Well? Any luck?" That was Blue.

Zack replied, "No. I scoured my whole side from top to bottom!"

"So, what? You're saying that the puppies have disappeared?" hissed Blue, clearly cynical and sarcastic. "Where on Gaia could they have gone?"

There was a short pause, before Zack proposed, "You think they figured out how to operate the lifts?" Angeal pressed a thumb and finger to his eyelids.

There was a heavy sigh from the other side of the door. "Zack, they couldn't even get into a box of treats, and you think they're capable of using a lift?" Blue questioned, growing more and more sarcastic as time went on.

"Well, they did find the switch to the treadmill," Zack answered back. Angeal could picture the Cadet giving a shrug. "If they're not on this floor, since we've searched all over for them, then they _have_ to be on another floor."

"Okay then!" Blue's voice was straining; the boy was clearly panicked. "They could be anywhere in the building, so I'll check up in the President's office, and I'll leave the General's quarters to you, shall I?!"

"Gah! Coby, don't _say_ things like that!"

"...What do we tell Angeal?"

"...Uh..."

The SOLDIER in question rolled his eyes, and stepped closer to allow the automatic door to swiftly open. The two Cadets immediately looked up as the Commander strode out into the corridor, their eyes wide and frightened as they stared at him.

And all they could do was watch as he swiftly started down the corridors, walking past them without a single glance. "We don't have time to be standing around worried, Cadets. Unless you want to tell the President and the General yourselves, you may want to hurry up and find those dogs," Angeal called back to them, and before he'd even finished the two boys had charged to jog along beside him, his stride too swift and too long for the boys to keep up with at a comfortable pace for their shorter legs.

"How are we supposed to find them?" Zack was first to recover and enquire, as Blue's nearly unnoticeable blush, stemming from the knowledge that they had been found out mid-conversation, began to die down.

"Seeing as stray puppies are apparently now capable of operating a lift-" Angeal paused to send a meaningful look at his student, who had the decency to look sheepish as a hand raised to scratch at the back of his head. "-We will go down from here, and thoroughly search each floor. I'll take the first, floor forty-nine, and you two will take floor forty-eight, and so on until the pups are found."

The two Cadets nodded at the plan, and the trio grouped together in the lift - after all, it wasn't like anyone else was up and using it at this time on a day off. The two groups charged through their respective floors, being as swift as they could while still exploring every inch. It wasn't ten minutes before the dogs were found.

Yes, indeed, it was a confusing and amusing scene that Angeal entered the floor 49 Virtual Training room to see.

Perhaps the puppies were smarter than they appeared. Like all youngsters, the Commander presumed that these dogs were incapable of resisting the pull of a button they shouldn't press. Maybe they had been able to work the lift; Angeal would never know.

But how the dogs were able to set up a training program simulation seemed far too outlandish and absurd. Currently, the two puppies were cowering in the corner as a group of Infantrymen came at them with swords and shotguns, according to the screen up in the operating room.

They must've had a little bit of friendly help. Angeal could think of no other explanation.

...Well, he could, but none that were actually plausible.

"Blue, Zack, I've found them. I have...no words. Get up here, now."

...

"Oh, so the puppies I've been hearing so much about are _finally_ getting their walk?" Genesis teased with a smile on his face, bending over at his waist to examine the two excitable dogs. The white one with black spots was eagerly wagging his tail, his head low and behind in the air in a playful stance, while the tri-colour was panting, his tongue lolling as his extremely fluffy tail wagged back and forth at a slower pace. They were as delighted as he was to finally go on a walk, surrounded by lovely green grass that hadn't been cut in a while and the smells of the outdoors, as well as what seemed to be a few Banora White trees close by.

Angeal smiled in response. "Yes, _finally_. They're both so excitable, it's been rough training them and keeping them in check," he conversed with a shrug, one hand keeping a strong grip on the leashes of the two pups. "I've managed to teach the spotted one to do squats, but I think it was a mistake to do so. He won't stop doing them."

The redhead smirked at the anecdote. "I've been trying to get the other to speak for a while - sometimes he does, but then he'll suddenly clam up on me. Like he's going meek; he won't speak again for a while after," he joked, letting out a chuckle and smiling fondly down at the tri-coloured dog, who wagged his fluffy tail faster but dipped his head to examine the ground. Genesis gestured grandly at the suddenly shy-looking puppy, proclaiming "See?!" to the amusement of Angeal.

Angeal crouched down to try to encourage the shyer dog to look back up, but he only succeeded in making the dog dip farther down. "I don't know. Sometimes I think it's difficult to train them for too long. I think if you take it slow and steady, let them learn one little thing and give them some time off, it's the best way to earn their trust and to teach them best."

Angeal was pretty convinced of his own argument, but his companion dipped his head and shook it with a grin. "I must disagree with you, my friend. Lots of quick and intense training as soon as possible. That'll teach your puppies in the quickest time and get it into their heads so they can stop doing it wrong."

The dark-haired First Class dipped his head. Genesis had a point, but Angeal believed it was important to take time. After all, there wasn't a set time for his puppies to learn; just as long as they were able to do what they needed to and to the best standard was more than satisfactory for the time being.

After all, they were only puppies. They didn't need to know how to do everything just yet. Let them learn at their own pace.

From out of his coat, Genesis produced a bone, which had the two pups immediately staring straight up to him. There was a tug on one of the leashes in Angeal's hand, so he let it go, and watched as the tri-colour, while still retaining a little of his shyness, inched towards Genesis, his darker blue eyes fixed firmly on the redhead. The other still stayed by Angeal's side, occasionally glancing from the bone, to the man who still held his lead, and back to the bone.

Genesis looked down at the approaching puppy, a large grin playing on his face, and he tossed the bone to Angeal. The effect was immediate, as the spotted dog turned completely to Angeal, once again leaping into his playful stance. The other puppy kept his eyes on Genesis, whose smile only grew as he crouched by the pup. The dog shied away, but his tail was tentatively beginning to wag, and when Genesis picked up the leash, his mouth opened and his tongue lolled, the proof that the dog was happy.

Genesis too looked very pleased, as he straightened to his full height with the leash still clenched in his gloved hand. He wasn't even bothered as the puppy turned to look back at Angeal, spiky strands of blue hair Angeal only just noticed flying as the puppy's head twisted. Angeal looked back down at the Dalmatian-coloured dog, whose own head of spiky black hair bounced and ruffled with every movement.

Angeal bolted upright, and immediately blocked his eyes from the glare of the bright sunlight of the afternoon. He hadn't expected to get back to sleep after waking early and experiencing the strange events of the morning - and now he was wishing he hadn't tried.

He blamed Zack and Blue for this. They didn't seek trouble. They didn't even attract trouble. They _were_ trouble. Just like those puppies were.


	3. Cobalt's Night at the Infirmary

Hi everybody. Hey, guess what? This chapter is actually exactly 5,000 words! Minus all this, you know.

Expect this to be the last time you guys see me for a while. I shouldn't even be doing this at _all_ right now, either. Hehe, don't tell Mum, or my sister, or my brother, or Dad, or my maths teacher. See, right now, I'm supposed to be neck-deep in revision.

And don't get me wrong-I so am! Unfortunately, my head wanted me to do this. So yeah. Definitely though, this is the last you'll see of me for the forseeable future. I think my exams end on the 19th June, so if I'm up to it, you might see a new chapter then! Just to celebrate. And then a few months later, to celebrate my lack of a career when I end up with terrible grades! Sad thing is, I'm not even kidding. _That's_ going to be the worst day of my life. But until then; yay! New chapter!

If you like this chapter, drop a thank you to my most frequent reviewer (and me, obviously!) as AnonyMouse made the request a little while ago, "Oh, and Saphie's shenanigans are greatness-we totally need an adventure of the hospital ward sleeping arrangements and Merowian's (EEEEEE! MEROWIAN!) chatterboxing! Please?" You ready for this? Because I don't think I am. Yeah. This is gonna be a weird one.

I don't own anything, anyone or anywhere you recognise. Sapphire, along with a few others who'll crop up every now and then, are mine.

Alright, and for this particular chapter, you should have read **Chapter 11** of 'Anxious, Worn Out, and With a Bad Concussion'. Though that is the first part of a two-part chapter...so to keep consistent, you might want to read chapter 12 as well. It's up to you. You decide how you read my story! I've done enough! XD

Okay, deep breaths, everyone. For AnonyMouse, and any other curious being with the same obsession of Merowian as my good friend and reviewer, this is what happened when Cobalt spent the night in the infirmary with Merowian. See you on the other side! :D

Oh, and good luck with exams, everyone!

* * *

I doubt that many people recognise it, but being able to fall asleep during the night, letting the darkness in the world all pass by without knowing or being awake to see the world in its darkest moments...it's a gift. Just sleeping the whole night through. It's brilliant.

And I can understand why so few people realise this. It's the most stupid-sounding philosophical statement ever made, but it _is_ the truth.

And fair enough, I had no idea how much I love sleep. You never do know, until you've stayed up the entire night, or at least some of it. And then all that happens is you're grateful for sleep, and then you'll have forgotten all about it when the night comes back around again.

I've stayed up all night on a couple of occasions. Once, during summer when I wanted to see how badly I could mess with my body clock, I stayed up the whole night after sleeping the entire day. I went to sleep again that morning, and woke up the morning after, apparently. All it did was make me very hungry, which was a little out of the ordinary.

Another time was when I got a tummy bug from my mad childhood friend, Nate, and just lay awake the entire night with stomach pains. I think it was five-ish when I had to make a dash for the toilet and empty my stomach. _That_ was an unpleasant weekend.

But no, despite these past occurrences, there has only been one event that will always make me so satisfied with the prospect of sleeping away the hours.

The night in the infirmary...with Merowian.

Did you hear that? Simply that phrase sends every Cadet in existence screaming and scurrying for shelter. Birds flutter their wings and take to the skies, heading for anywhere that _isn't_ within Merowian's reach. Children flee and launch themselves under the nearest cover. And if there were any left, the fabled race of the Ancients would gather, and pray for my safety, and that the Lifestream would have mercy and just kill me now.

And I would have gladly welcomed it, as my eyes caught my teacher's across the room, rolling into the room on the bed with doctors and nurses flanking me. No doubt they knew Merowian; as instantly as they had me secured, they simply disappeared, their eagerness to get out of the room evident.

Our expressions were confused, and we were clearly asking ourselves the same question; _what happened to him?_ Heh, hopefully, anyway. I half-expected the crazy guy to already know I was a girl. At least he hadn't brought it up.

With sarcastic contempt, the Second Class SOLDIER explained to me how he got his injury; the other class of Cadets burning his arm seriously enough to have him taken to get it checked out. He didn't mention who it was, which was a shame. But I was amazed at it, even so; who knew a simple Cadet was able to use Materia so effectively?

Since Merowian told me the embarrassing tale of how he wound up there, I had to return the favour, telling him about my training with Genesis. It was four hours in, and I found myself distracted, and the evil man snuck up behind me, leaning over and whispering something in my ear. I didn't catch what he said, because of pure fright that rendered my ears temporarily useless, and spun to stare at him - and for the _first time in my life_, I caused myself an injury doing the most mundane and ordinary action. My body spun, but my right leg oddly refused to. My swift twist had put my knee through some of the most excruciating pain I've ever felt, and it took a lot of willpower to keep myself from letting out a squeal (because my squeals are so high-pitched they can break glass) and I simply collapsed to the floor and groaned, cradling my injured knee.

Genesis was understandably stumped, settling for just staring at me for a few seconds, until he got a vague idea of what had happened. And then naturally, he started laughing. And stayed laughing, for quite some time, until I was able to get him to understand that I was actually in a lot of pain. It took some convincing, through gritted teeth, but eventually the redhead called for the infirmary.

A team of medics arrived in a commendably short time, armed to the teeth with all sorts of medical mumbo jumbo. They sprayed the most of my leg with magic spray, the stuff they use on blitzballers when they've had an injury to numb the area, and with no warning - and no asking whether or not I was alright - they jerked the bottom half of my leg back into place.

Heh, I screamed then! Well, I tried to make it more masculine, but...yeah, you can appreciate _that_ didn't work out too well. The medics awarded me with an icepack to hold to my knee, a tub full of painkillers and advice on how to live over the next few days.

What was Genesis' reaction? "Alright, we'll have a break. Be ready in fifteen minutes." Of course, he only said this once the medics had left. Ugh. Sometimes I think he forgets I'm not exactly SOLDIER-resilient, given that I'm NOT a SOLDIER yet. Even if he can suffer a killing blow and continue fighting, it doesn't mean I can!

I reiterated this to Merowian, complaining and exaggerating _perhaps_ a tad more than necessary, and received a quizzical look for my trouble. "You are a strange little Cadet, aren't you?" he simply observed, and I let my head hang, causing a laugh to bubble up from the SOLDIER.

I glared up at him irritably. "You're hardly one to talk!" I argued with a glare, and immediately felt childish as the Second Class raised an eyebrow in my direction, looking amused. I tried not to let it affect me, and continued sarcastically, "If you were in any way sane, you wouldn't be in an infirmary nursing a wound caused by Cadets."

He pretended to take offense, far too dramatically. "Oh, now that hurts, right here. You're a mean person, Chocobo-fast Cobalt. I can tell what you're thinking. You're very very mean!" he exclaimed, putting the back of his hand to his forehead and pretending to faint, falling back into his bed. A very faint squeak came from his bed as he crashed back onto it.

I didn't even think about it before I gave him a sceptical look. "You can tell what I'm thinking," I repeated, not even phrasing it as a question. Merowian looked at me with cocky self-assurance, which told me everything I needed to know.

The man was an idiot.

And a big one.

"You bet I can!" the SOLDIER enthusiastically replied, perking up in his bed. "I'll send you my thoughts, and you'll be able to tell me what I'm telling you!"

Intrigued - if only to find out how he'd carry this out - I sat upright and folded my left leg beneath me. "Alright, I don't see the harm of showing you up like this," I agreed with a small shrug, before leaning forward and staring at the man. He looked the tiniest bit affronted, but quickly brushed it off.

"Okay. Deep breaths, Chocobo. You need to be calm. Have an open mind. Try not to be thinking of anything," he advised me, and as immediately as he said the last, my mind stirred and started thrusting everything I knew at my conscious thought.

"How on Gaia am I supposed to not think of anything, huh?" I rebuked, rolling my eyes. Merowian's reaction was to pout, and then look like he was seriously thinking for a few moments.

After a short few moments of contemplation, he shrugged. "Not sure, I've only ever done the thought part of this. I'm psychic, so only I can do that," he explained, and instantly had me looking disbelieving.

"...Psychic," I echoed, looking at the SOLDIER with raised eyebrows. "Really."

He seemed to be getting a bit annoyed, and to be honest, I couldn't blame him. But I can't help it if I'm cynical! "...Yes," he replied, in the same obvious tone of voice, and narrowed his bright eyes. "Look at me, and think about...oh, I don't know, puppies, or something."

My instantaneous reaction was to think of the two puppies Zack and I had encountered and played with, but then I decided that my thoughts were askew enough, and stared at the SOLDIER with attentive eyes. He was joking, obviously, but I was being noticeably and unnecessarily rude.

I stared at Merowian, waiting for anything to happen; and when it did, I believe I was perfectly justified in my reaction. With a grin, he started loudly whispering, "Jumping back on the bed _really_ hurt my arm, and my backside!" I threw one of my pillows at the laughing SOLDIER.

He nearly leapt five feet in the air to avoid it, and quickly tossed it back to me, as the two of us collapsed into childish laughter in the otherwise empty infirmary.

"What was I telling you? Hey? What was I thinking?" Merowian interrogated enthusiastically, and as I shoved the pillow back beneath me and tried to adjust it to help me get more comfortable, the SOLDIER gave a victorious chuckle. "Did I lie? You see? Psychic!"

"If those are your entire psychic capabilities," I remarked sarcastically, still shuffling with the pillow, "I think the world has little to worry about if you ever go mad and try to destroy the planet like some evil villain from a video game."

Merowian looked at me with an expression that told me he thought I was insane. "Alright, Chocobo, I may be bonkers, but you give me a run for my money," he submitted, and I sent him a glare, _still_ fiddling with my pillow. "What are you doing?" the SOLDIER asked me, suddenly sounding childishly inquisitive.

I turned to glare at the uncomfortable pillow. "I'm _trying_ to get even a _little_ comfortable," I answered gruffly, "but it isn't working. It _never_ works."

"Seriously, do you not like pillows?" Merowian deadpanned, and I looked at him, his good arm pretending to be folded over the bad one and his eyebrows inches higher than normal.

I huffed, and collapsed back into discomfort, glaring at nothing like a sulky child. "Pillows are fine. Pillows don't bother me. It's _beds_ that bug me."

Merowian propped his good arm up on the little headboard of the infirmary beds, and rested his cheek on his fist, looking at me with a lazily intrigued grin. "You don't like beds?" he reiterated, watching me with much enjoyment as I twisted and turned in position, still scowling.

"I thought this was as wide-spread as that video," I pondered to myself, my eyes narrowing as I heard the childish teacher opposite me snort at the mere mention of the darned thing. I explained myself absentmindedly, "I don't sleep in beds. I haven't slept in a bed in years. I hate it." I decided not to tell him about sleeping on my head as an alternative. I figured he had plenty of ammunition against me already, and I had this entire night to get through.

"I...see," he answered, sounding for the entire world like he didn't, but still with that unique childishness that seemed to never leave him. I spun and tried the bed sideways, lying across it with my head and my legs hanging off the sides; and I was still far too uncomfortable with the bed on my back.

I flipped myself over to be lying on my tummy, trying to get comfortable, but it was difficult. And not for the reasons I had anticipated; it was Merowian on the other side of the room, watching me with this _strange_ expression of mystification spread across his fun-loving, idiotic mug. It was what he said next that nearly gave me a heart attack, and assisted me in my path to comfort by having me leap off the bed in fright.

"Would you like me to join you, then?"

The way in which my terrifying teacher said that had a mental picture of Verne pop straight into my head, the receptionist that took admiration to its extremes back some time ago. I stared at Merowian with my eyelids wide enough for my eyes to fall out, my neck and the rest of my body quite strangely twisted from where I had fallen from the bed. "Please tell me that you aren't being serious right now," I pleaded, my only response for far too long being the SOLDIER's raucous, hysterical laughter.

"Aww, that's disappointing! Rejection; and you were so cute, too!" he whined, barely getting through the sentence before his laughter overtook him again. Red in the face from the fall, and the embarrassment of what he had just suggested - and clearly didn't mean - I could do nothing but lie on my neck with my legs in the air and glare at the SOLDIER.

...

"You wanna know something about me?"

Merowian had been nattering on mindlessly for the guts of an hour now. The occasional nurse would come in to flutter about the room, analysing whatever sort of data they got from machines or other medical stuff, giving me a strange look before their departure.

I, desperately trying and failing to ignore the Second Class' nonsensical chatter, had been limping around the room in search of the best place to rest my head. Yes, it's as ridiculous as it sounds. The longest I've spent in one place is fifteen minutes, the shortest being a few seconds before realising that I'd never be comfortable in that place. I refuse to give examples.

I'd learnt three things so far tonight, listed in increasing order of importance; Merowian was very stubborn back when he was little and 'cute', there was nowhere comfortable in the infirmary, and I should never get stuck all night with SOLDIER Edward Merowian. The man was ridiculous, and not in a genius way, in a stupid way.

I submitted with an eye roll, and pushed myself up with my back against the wall, stretching out my right leg to hop on my left as I had been doing all night, my left hand on the wall as I navigated through the infirmary. I could feel Merowian's grin as he told me what he wanted to say, "I am the product of a lab experiment gone wrong."

If it was anyone else, I would've been interested to hear how they'd justify such a statement, with some amusement. Of course, this was Merowian, and I had spent far too long listening to his voice already. "Hmm," I mumbled my reply, not bothering to sound any more interested than I felt, settling down on the floor partway beneath another infirmary bed, lying flat on my back on the floor and twisting my head towards Merowian, my eyes closed.

"You don't need to tell me, I know it's interesting," he enthused, his playful voice filled with barely-veiled laughter. "You know Professor Hojo, Chocobo?"

"Mmm-hmm," I replied in the affirmative, sitting back up and resting my head against the bottom of the bed, shifting every few seconds to get more comfy. I'd heard of him. Supposedly he was some genius, the brains behind the treatment that turned us ordinary people into SOLDIER material. I didn't realise how soon my opinion of the man would change, nor how drastically.

I supposed Merowian hadn't heard me. "You probably haven't, I guess. He spends all his time in the bowels of the science department. But, uh, once he planned this new experiment, to make something..._fantastic_. Yeah?"

I opened my eyes, to see the SOLDIER staring at me with a grin. I gave a very slow, lazy nod, pulling my right leg up to be propped up against the bottom of the bed at a very steep angle - it was hurting me, just straight across the floor like that.

"He carried out this experiment, not completely certain of what the results would be. He performed them on this boy, who was already pretty awesome, and eagerly awaited the results after all his experiments were completed." Not only was the SOLDIER completely bonkers, he also couldn't tell a story. Just a thought.

I pushed myself to my foot, and hobbled across the room, looking from left to right and trying to find a better place to sleep - that last one was absurd. I said nothing, intentionally meaning to avoid motivating him to continue his story, but naturally it had no effect.

"Everything seemed to be ordinary," Merowian inspired interest by waving his hands mysteriously, making an 'ooh' as he did so. "He put the boy through tons of tests, and found that most of everything seemed to have the same results as they did before the procedure, with only tiny, miniscule changes that weren't worth noticing."

I lay myself down in the middle of the floor, inwardly wondering whether or not doctors and medics actually were as hygiene-conscious as they appeared. The floor seemed as spick-and-span as reasonably possible, so I presumed so.

"The Professor wanted to try everything available, just to make sure that there were no changes in any aspect ordinary people would never consider. After a few tests, the boy seemed to be no different than he had been previously; and then the Materia was brought in."

I pretended to give a slow, inspired nod, relaxing with my hands beneath my head. I crossed my right, paining leg over the other with the intention of giving it support. It didn't seem to work, but I expected it was better than just leaving it to support itself. I wasn't a doctor, but it seemed like common sense.

"He gave me a Materia to try out, and without the boy ever seeing or using anything like it before in his life, he used the Materia to completely scorch half the lab, two of the walls completely eradicated and any machinery and files between the boy and the walls were vanquished."

"_Wow_," I muttered in response, with no real sincerity. I had decided that pretending to sound interested was the best way to keep the SOLDIER happy and content, no matter how sarcastic I sounded. I rolled over to lie on my stomach, and immediately got up as my leg throbbed in disapproval at the action, hopping over to a wall and leaning against it on my left foot.

Merowian nodded enthusiastically, running a hand through his silly, ruffled hair. "The professor was so happy he leapt into the air. And did a little dance. Every scientist and professor and person has their 'Eureka' moment, and for Professor Hojo, that was his. He wasn't even bugged about the destroyed files, he was so pleased with the success."

Sliding down to sit on the floor with my back against the wall, I bent my leg up slightly to ease the discomfort, and then fell over on one side in an attempt to get more comfortable. "Fantastic," I commented sarcastically, pushing myself back to my foot to find my next place.

"You want to know something extraordinary?" Merowian quizzed, looking very much like the cat that caught the Chocobo.

From where I had hopped over to my bed, and was in the beginnings of preparing myself to roll onto my head, I made a fake interested sound, staring at the man relaxing opposite me with an interested and mostly bored expression.

"_I_ was that kid."

"_No way_," I answered slowly, my voice smothered in sarcasm, before shaking my head and prepping myself for rolling forward. I took a breath, stretched my arms, cracked my knuckles and rolled forward, my back resting along the bottom of the infirmary bed.

Gently, I lowered myself so my helmeted head was on the floor right in the centre, longish strands of blue hair dropping down to make a little pool around my head. Both my hands secured my balance, and I let my eyes flutter closed, as normality returned at last and I was comfortable.

For about two seconds, then I felt some awkwardness. I opened my eyes, and saw the problem, of Merowian staring at me, his mouth a little open.

"Quick question," he muttered in a surprised, hasty tone, "why are you in a headstand?"

My eyelids closed over again, and I couldn't help snorting. "Yet again, you have proved you're a little behind in knowing all this stuff _everyone_ knows about me," I mocked Merowian, raising each hand individually to roll and loosen my wrist. "I didn't like sleeping on a bed, so I figured I'd stick as close to tradition as possible and sleep on something that rhymed with bed."

Woo! How kickass was that comeback? Now _two_ Cadets have burned him!

...Aww, why didn't I say that out loud? That's the cleverest cheeky thing I'd ever come up with, and I _thought_ it.

Wait, he hadn't said anything yet. Would it just be a flop if I said it now?

"Ooh! Now _two_ Cadets have burned you!" I exclaimed, chuckling. He looked at me with an unimpressed look, and a long silence followed.

...Yeah, I should've just kept it in my head.

...

"Your knee has healed up quite nicely!" an over-enthusiastic nurse announced to me, grinning at me far too brightly for the time of the morning. Or maybe it was just down to the rough night I'd been put through. I sent a nasty glare to the man responsible, grinning smugly in his own bed, cradling his burnt arm with a gaggle of nurses flanking him.

On my head, propped up on the floor by my hands in the usual position, I couldn't have been more comfortable; but any chance I had of sleeping was small, because of Merowian's unending chatter. As if that wasn't enough, he would _not_ stop giving me weird looks while I was on my head, which was extremely off-putting. It made my skin crawl in the most horrible way, and I knew that when I could feel these creepy looks without my eyes being open, there was no chance of my usual sleeping position this night.

I tried some more places, some different positions, and I had found quite a comfortable one with my injured leg being the only thing on the bed. Sadly, by the time I'd found this position the room was beginning to light up as morning approached and the city woke up, though it was unlikely I'd ever get to sleep with Merowian and his nonsensical jibber-jabber. It was all I could do to resist the temptation of asking one of the nurses for a drug to knock someone out, and decide who I would use it on; Merowian, or myself.

You always know when you have a bad sleep. It's the worst feeling. You get up for the day, and you know you have to get up for the day, and all you can think about doing is going back to sleep. Generally, when I wake up, I'm awake for the rest of the day. I know some people just really love their sleep enough to want to remain so for the time after they wake up. But when you feel like you want to go to sleep for the entire day...ugh, these days are rare, but I hate them.

I expect that explains things and tidies them up in a nice little bow. "Though I can't imagine how, with the way you've been sleeping!" my nurse went on to say with a hearty laugh, doing a quick examination of my health by touching my leg, asking how I felt and checking charts.

Miserably, I replied, "I didn't get any sleep." I barely even looked at her, too busy with glaring at the carefree man across from me, who had a twinkle in his eye as he deliberately ignored me.

"Have you considered sleeping in a bed, normally?" she suggested, with enough sarcasm to make me pout. "There's nothing more we can do for that injury, it'll heal up just nicely on its own; we can only give you pain medication and tell you not to put it through too much stress. I'll go get some."

The woman swept to her feet and left, and I found myself smiling. As far as Shinra nurses went - the majority of which were gathered around Merowian's bedside - she certainly seemed like a good one, pleasant and decent company, while also being practically professional.

After a particularly loud, raucous giggle from the other side of the room that had me cringing and my outlook darkening, my nurse returned with a little brown bottle of pills, setting them on my bedside table. "You shouldn't need that many at all," she told me with a stern shake of her finger.

_Why did you give me the whole bottle then?_ I wondered, but said nothing, eyes wide and cross-eyed, looking at her finger.

"Just take two with water if you're in pain, and you can't take two doses within two hours of each other." She cut herself off as a few particularly loud giggles came from Merowian's side of the room, and she turned to give a warning glare. She turned back to me with a false, fresh smile. "Now while I'm thinking of it, maybe I should get you a pair of crutches. Best for the next little while to keep as much weight off that leg as possible." The busybody rubbed her hands together and took off with a fast stride, and I was left to twiddle my thumbs and wonder what Merowian and the nurses were talking about.

My curiosity must've shown in my expression, because after a few surreptitious glances from the entire group, three of them scampered over to me.

I cocked an eyebrow. "Well? You girls looking to see me fall over myself when I try my crutches?" I was active as a kid, and liked to climb trees, meaning I got quite a few injuries. Oddly, only one of those had me given crutches from the clinic in the town, and I didn't use them; not once. Dad hefted me over his shoulder and carried me all the way home, and around the house I either hopped, hobbled, or had my personal slave Nate carry me to my destination. Nate and I were _tight_.

At my somewhat sarcastic statement, the nurses laughed. "No, of course not!" one said, her voice gratingly high-pitched. "Just that Edward told us he meant to tell you something last night, but forgot to," she continued, and I perked up, nonplussed.

_He talked about EVERYTHING. He never stopped talking, he couldn't possibly have said that much and NOT covered every topic known to man. And...he forgot something?_ I asked the trio to relay the message.

"He was talking to the doctor before you came in, and he meant to tell you that you get today off classes...for your sprained knee," another chimed, a hand over her mouth as though she was holding back giggles.

I should've immediately sniffed out something stupid and suspicious going on, but a snort of escaping laughter from the other nurses by Merowian distracted me, and I was just too tired and unconcerned to really be bothered by it. I was a little relieved though; it would've been difficult to carry on with the usual, already difficult routine with my screwy leg.

"Oh, cool, thanks," I replied, feeling a little awkward, with the nurses immediately scampering back to Merowian.

Of course, I'd find out later that it was a holiday for Letter Day, rather than people just being considerate for my misfortune, and that Merowian had told them to play that, frankly, rubbish trick on me.

With crutches in hand, the cool nurse returned, and helped me to my feet with a smile, handing over the crutches. I balanced on my good foot for a second, and then started to hobble, swinging forward with the crutches and hopping on my left foot.

The nurse was grinning in delight, nodding at me when I looked at her. I noticed Merowian grinning childishly, ignoring a couple of the nurses who were practically falling all over him. I came to a stop close to my bed, grinning in self-satisfaction. Who knew I'd be able to do that on my first try?

Proudly, I tossed my head to make some of the strands over my eyes push back, and fell a little off-balance. Instinctively, I put my right foot down to get it back, and my nurse couldn't launch herself forward quickly enough to stop me falling backwards, sucking in air through gritted teeth and letting out an inadvertent squeak as I landed on my backside on the floor.

It was a surreal few moments of absolutely nothing. The nurse was frozen in mid-stride, hands outstretched, her expression startled. I was on the floor, face screwed up in barely-suppressed agony, upper body bent low over my legs. I couldn't see Merowian, but I presumed he was shaking with silent laughter.

Yup. The first thing to break the odd suspenseful few seconds of nothing was his explosion of laughter. A few beats later, an agonised yelp forced itself up from somewhere in my body, and my nurse along with a couple of Merowian's favourites rushed forward to help.

I was helped to a sitting position on my bed, and watched with drooping eyes as the nurse poured water from a bottle into a clear plastic beaker beside my bed. "Painkillers first, huh kid?" she stated, intending it to not be a question.

I dipped my head, looking down at my leg and hating it. "I guess..."


	4. The Return of the Doggy Duo

Ahoy! My apologies, summer's been a lot busier than I anticipated. Mostly though, I've been much lazier than I was hoping for, and coupled with my sudden obsession of Jeremy Kyle's show (weird, huh?) it takes far too much procrastination for me to finally throw myself into writing.

I can't believe I'm halfway through summer already. Ugh. The worst day of my life is rapidly approaching - results day - but I hope that I get chapter 15 out before then. And if I remember correctly, that means that it's probably within the next two weeks or so. Perhaps sooner! And yet, perhaps much, much later. It's hard to tell with me. XD

Yet again, direct your thanks for this chapter to my friend and reviewer AnonyMouse, who asked for this as a reward for guessing where the Doctor Who quote was in chapter 12, and said, "Y'know how you can reward me? *Turkeys*. That's all I'm sayin'. *Turkeys*. Oh, and maybe the grand reveal, sometime? Or like, telling Ash at least? (Where's Ciara?) Or the craziness of Saphie's life causing trouble with her disguise? And more Zack&Coby, Dynamic Doggy Duo o' Doom!"

Well, I'm not doing _all_ those things, of that you can be certain. I think, by the title, you can probably tell which I picked. I came up with a weird idea, mushed a few words in, used some ingenuity, and my brain spat this out. No Merowian, unfortunately, but you can have fun with these guys!

I don't own anything, anyone or anywhere you recognise. Sapphire, along with a few others who'll crop up every now and then, are mine.

Plus, I, uh, _borrowed_ the concept of a couple of people from a hilarious old British sitcom, in a moment of weakness. Weak from giggling. I definitely don't own them.

Okay, let's get this show on the road! It's another chapter you can read whenever, but because **C****hapter 14** is already posted, let's go for that one. You can read up until then! ;)

For AnonyMouse, and anyone else who enjoyed Puppy Zack and Puppy Coby the first time around, here comes their magnificent return to the lives of those in Shinra! Here goes. Uh..._yo_.

* * *

Telling the Turks of a new mission made Tseng extremely grateful that Rude was one of them. With informing him of either the most difficult mission imaginable or the most idiotic, all the huge Turk would do would be to fiddle with his sunglasses and leave to prepare.

Such a reaction was the most pleasant gift Tseng could have asked for, when also faced with telling Reno the same news. "You kidding, yo? What do you take us for - we're Turks, yo! _Turks_! You're just saddling us with this crap because you can't be bothered, ain't that it? Don't think you can fool me, boss-man! This is about the whole thing with the kiddies, isn't it? Showing you up in front of Angeal and those other two, that's the only reason, yo!"

Well, it certainly wasn't the _only_ reason...still. "Other than that this mission needs to be completed as quickly as possible? Yes, that's true. Now hurry up. I have things to do, and I'm fairly sure that you do too." The Wutaiian Turk waved his hand at the redhead in dismissal, sparing a nod to Rude who inclined his head to his leader, before swiftly turning and leaving the room. He would've grabbed Reno and hauled his partner from the room alongside him, but he knew that the fiery Turk would be joining him shortly. Compliant or otherwise.

And from the sound of the epic shouting war that Reno seemed to be partaking in on the other side of the door, his guess would be the latter.

Tseng had likely prepared one of his best justifications, because his partner had joined him after only two minutes and twenty-one seconds. "I can't believe this, yo," Reno whined to Rude, for no reason other than to complain; after all, what could either of the duo do about the missions they were issued? "You should'a backed me up, Rude! When I argue, it's just like, '_Reno's arguing again_' but if you did it'd be like, '_Wow, Rude's arguing, there ain't no way we can ignore that_'!"

All Rude could think was, _at least he knows how much he gets on everyone's nerves_. To prevent a smile, his lips formed a deeper frown. Reno studied his stoic friend carefully with narrowed eyes, and Rude knew he hadn't gotten away with it when the redhead gasped, childishly loud.

"Ugh, Rude! You're supposed to back me up here, yo!" he moaned, just for the sake of it as usual.

Rude stayed silent. Reno sighed, exaggerating the noise excessively - as though he _expected_ his infamously silent partner to give a reply.

"I can't believe how much effort we're putting into this. And what's it for? Practically nothin', yo!" the redhead complained, nearly stomping one of his scuffed shoes on the floor before apparently realising how childish the action would look.

Rude couldn't help it that time. He turned his head to look at the fiery Turk, one eyebrow inched upwards. Reno was far from intimidated, and simply shrugged.

Shoving his hands in his trouser pockets, he replied to the look, "It _is_ too much trouble. Sure, the guy's been stealing money and stealing other things and evading taxes for the last seventeen years, but it's only '_allegedly_'," Reno made the quotation gesture with his fingers around the word Tseng had emphasised. "Besides, there must be an easier way to get to the guy. Turks can get in anywhere, yo!"

Waiting for the lift, Rude grunted. "Tseng wouldn't make us do this if it wasn't necessary," he asserted, regardless of knowing it wouldn't help.

Reno folded his arms. "Maybe, yo. I still think he's taking this way too far, though," Reno continued to whine, jumping into the lift and clicking to head to their destination as Rude followed with a much more sedate stride. "You know what I mean though. Where on Gaia are we supposed to find two dogs?"

...

Ignoring Tseng's warnings that he would be of no help to them, Reno made the pair's first target be Rufus, President Shinra's son and Vice President to the company. He was also the only person either of them could think of to ask about where they could find pets, what with having his own.

He wasn't able to help, though. He was just as sharp as his father - if not more so - and no one could deny how much he valued his own pet. But in fairness, there was only so much a boy in his early teens could do to help a Turk, and unfortunately this was one occasion where Rufus' contribution was worth little. They left him to his video games, and tried to think of who else could loan them a pair of dogs.

They managed to cross paths with Scarlet, the fairly recently promoted Head of the Weapons Development department of Shinra. Reno decided that the encounter was pleasant; Rude was left to cringe in the background, forgotten, while he put the moves on the pretty blonde (despite the general aura of desperation that he got from her - she reeked of expensive perfume, and the low-cut, silky red dress was so revealing it was completely unprofessional; in other words, exactly Reno's type) and managed to extract a contact number from the Executive.

On their travels, they met with a fair amount of SOLDIERs, and Reno showed no hesitation in asking each one if they knew how to obtain two dogs. None had an actual solution to their problem, though a Second Class with black hair that could only be described as 'odd' who went by the name of Nate told them of a good tailor in Sector Five who could work wonders with proper incentive.

The playful SOLDIER was barely able to contain his grin as Reno looked excitably at his partner, who shook his head in disbelief that the redhead would actually _consider_ this. "What? It's the best idea anyone's had so far! And besides, yo, I'm all about giving the '_proper incentive_'..."

Nate couldn't contain himself, and burst into splutters of laughter, prompting a glance from the duo. "The last time I saw her, she told me she was seventy-two years old. The time before that was her supposed 'eighty-fourth' birthday. But hey, you're welcome to give it a try there, Turkey," he mocked, tossing his head and producing a few clicks from a beaded strand of hair somewhere beneath the rest of it.

Reno blinked, momentarily stumped into silence, and then cringed and pretended to retch at the thought. "Thanks for the mental image, pretty boy. My bacon's gonna be making return trips all afternoon, yo," the redhead overdramatized, shuddering visibly to get his point across.

Nate shook his head, and sighed, replying dismissively, "Bring a box of cookies and a few wigs with doggy colours. And be prepared to share tea and biscuits with the woman, but if you're looking to live after, you might want to make them yourself." The SOLDIER ran a hand through his hair - and with the strands of black falling exactly back into place, he waved a goodbye to the Turks and continued on his own journey.

Reno turned to his disbelieving partner, and repeated what he'd previously said, "It's the best idea anyone's had so far!" It seemed as though that was the best argument he could come up with, as like the idea, it was the _only_ argument.

Rude said nothing in response, so Reno took it as agreement, and grinned as he headed for the lift. Rude grimaced, and decided to speak up, dropping his hand on the redhead's shoulder. "Do you really think we'll get into a dog show with two modified wigs?"

He raised a very valid point, Reno conceded. "We'll keep our eyes open...but we don't have nothin' else to go on right now, yo," he compromised, and while Rude wanted nothing more than to shoot down this ridiculous idea, he couldn't deny that there was nothing better for now.

With a resigned sigh, Rude followed the boisterous Turk to the lifts, meeting a First Class on the way. The dark haired SOLDIER narrowed his eyes at the two Turks, their dark suits out-of-place amongst the usual varying colours of the SOLDIER uniform. "What are you looking for?" Angeal interrogated after a moment, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Truthfully, he had every right to be suspicious; he only ever encountered Reno on this floor when he was stirring up trouble. Perhaps Rude had already put a stop to his trouble-making? "Sorry tough guy, can't talk; Rude and me have gotta see an old woman about wigs and dogs!" Reno enthused, delighting in that he was making no sense to the SOLDIER, and made off at a fast pace for the lifts.

Angeal looked at Rude in confusion, figuring that he wouldn't get a straight answer from either of the Turks, and got an understandably irritated look from the man as he reluctantly forced his feet to follow Reno.

Angeal watched them go, confusion gripping him, and when he heard sniggering from around a corner, he decided that he would find out what was going on, and moved to interrogate the individual.

...

"We're about to make this little old lady's day much more exciting," Reno announced with self-satisfaction, trying to balance the tin of biscuits on one finger with a pair of wigs in the other hand, one white and the other almost black. When they heard a slowly approaching shuffling on the other side of the door, the redhead whispered teasingly out of the corner of his mouth, "Try not to frighten her too much, yo."

Rude couldn't say anything to reply, because the door was opening; to the face of...

Well, it wasn't what they were expecting. Reno, and even Rude, had been predicting a hunched little white-haired lady with a pastel-coloured apron and glasses and knitting needles. Reno stared unashamedly, his bottom jaw nearly dislodged, and Rude desperately straightened his tie.

The 'little old woman' could've been taller than Reno, the raggedy locks of hair atop her head that weren't gray were a startling shade of luminous pink. She wore a huge leather jacket and some indescribable clothes beneath, other than that they were _orange_. A pair of sunglasses larger than any either had previously seen covered her eyes from view. Everything about her suggested she ought to be fifty years younger, but the wrinkles were unavoidable.

She took one look at them, and smirked, whipping the biscuits out of Reno's lax hands before he could reattach his jaw. "Those for me?" her gruff voice questioned uncaringly, clearing her throat before reaching inside and contentedly munching on one of the biscuits.

Eventually, with Rude internally trying to put words together that could likely never make it out, Reno found a way to ask the question he wanted to ask above all others; "How does a SOLDIER called Nate know you?" Reno crossed his fingers behind his back, gritting his teeth and desperately hoping that the woman would reply that she was his grandma. He repeated the word over and over in his head, thinking of the fun he could have with the Second Class with _this_ to hold over his head!

To Reno's disappointment, the elderly woman mumbled around the biscuits (and her dentures) "No relation, I was a family friend a couple years back." An odd sensation of tension settled over her for a second, but before either Turk could ask, she spun and strode out of view into her house.

With a faint smirk and a shrug of his shoulders to his partner, the redhead followed her into the house, filled with off-putting paintings on the walls and brightly-coloured furniture. Rude adjusted his sunglasses and straightened the lapels of his suit, disbelieving that he was in this situation, before following his partner into the house and closing the door softly behind him.

He stood to the right of the doorway into the kitchen, straight and proper and at attention in an attempt to bring some clarity and normalcy to the situation as best he knew how. Reno was far from Rude's level of discomfort, leaning contentedly against the counter and watching the kettle boil. His eyes flickered to the intimidating Turk by the doorframe, and with an innocently perked eyebrow, Reno lightly enquired, "You _were_ a family friend?"

The elderly woman's brow furrowed; the only sign of any discomfort as she took a bite of another biscuit, sat at the kitchen table in a convenient place between the two Turks. "Yes, indeed I was," she replied, seeming to pay only a small amount of attention to her words. "His father was such a fantastic man, his mother quite caring. I used to visit them; the five of us would sit around a table and talk about everything."

Rude picked up on something, and pushed his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose before voicing his thoughts, "Five of you?" Her head jerked in his direction just slightly, though similar to himself, it was hard to tell if she was deep in thought or staring straight at him, with the sunglasses.

"The parents, Nate, his young friend and myself, yes," she elaborated. Her expression was uncomprehending and wistful as the two Turks shared a glance, before the kettle boiled and Reno forced Rude over to pour the tea. Rude did so with little complaint - he'd seen how messy the redhead could be.

They decided that the thought wasn't worth pursuing; Nate's business was his own, and the Turks had a job to do. Plus, all this reminiscing wasn't getting their wig-dogs any faster, and Reno had half a notion that this train of thought was going to result in the woman refusing to help. "I'll bet those days were fun, huh?" Reno kindly set about diverting the subject. "The Harrison household not have any pets? No dogs, yo?"

Rude carried over the fairly large mugs as the eccentric pensioner replied, demonstrating that her age had not dulled her intellect, "I presume Nate would have me fix those wigs into a couple of dogs, is that so?"

"I'm sure he'd be willing to offer payment," Reno joked, no doubt delighted that she seemed amicable enough, and Nate hadn't stitched them up with a _completely_ wild goose chase. "You done this before, then?"

Rude couldn't deny that he was curious himself. What sort of life must one person lead to have fixing wigs to look like dogs as an ordinary occurrence? The pink-haired woman offered a charming smile, replying, "Odd as it may sound, I've done this a fair number of times. I can assure you though, what work I do will hardly help with whatever Turks would use them for, assuming you're looking for a replacement for an actual dog."

"Well, we don't have much of a choice, lady," the redhead offhandedly remarked, giving a shrug. The nameless woman got to her feet and walked to the window of the kitchen, ignoring Rude's sharp look to his teammate. "What?" Reno protested, "Like she don't know we're clutching at straws, here."

Rude's whole posture stiffened as he heard a nearby, high-pitch bark; Reno, on the other end of the scale, fell out of the wooden chair he'd sat in to converse with her at eye level. "I suppose I knew a SOLDIER would do a better job. They're much less _scruffy_," she mentioned, glancing back to her two guests; Reno scrambling to his feet and almost staggering out of the house as the sound of two excitable pups outside made his excitement grow.

"Thank you for your hospitality," Rude awkwardly bid farewell to the hawk-eyed old woman, who nodded as he departed at a much more sedate pace.

Easily looking over his partner's shoulder - who had frozen in the front doorway - Rude found he could do nothing at the curious sight but adjust his sunglasses, wondering when the next opportunity to bring the world back to some semblance of normalcy would come around.

Sure enough, as the old woman had said, there was a SOLDIER here. The Turks had been expecting the SOLDIER to be some uninteresting one they wouldn't recognise, or even more likely Nate, but their presumptions were far from right; clutching makeshift leads attached to two puppies, one barking and desperately tugging on the leash, the other panting and sniffing his boots, was the First Class SOLDIER Angeal Hewley.

The scene was, by far and away, one of the most surreal situations Rude supposed he'd ever been in. Meeting the still-nameless woman had been bizarre in itself, their reason for being there making it even more ridiculous, but to walk out and see the powerful, esteemed First Class SOLDIER, Commander of the Shinra Army, clutching the leashes of two of the most cheerful puppies he had ever seen had pushed a dreadfully odd situation into what he'd expect from a night out drinking with Reno.

With a completely straight face, the tough SOLDIER held out the leads towards the two Turks - understandably, his light Mako eyes were mostly focused on Rude. "They're strays, but they're well-loved strays. If harm comes to these puppies, two more puppies will be far from happy." His words were solemn and serious, though a faint quirk of his lips told Rude that he wasn't as concerned with their well-being. After all, what happened on a mission with the Turks happened, and there would be no questioning it. Even Commander Hewley acknowledged this.

And as the SOLDIER's gloved hand passed the pups' leashes to the Turk's gloved hand, the other Turk spluttered into uncapped laughter that earned him a pair of glares and a pair of interested jumps and barks.

...

"There he is!" Reno's voice hollered above the screams of the innocents, his iconic spiky red hair emerging from beneath the hat and bandana he was removing. With a tri-coloured puppy with an extremely fluffy tail and floppy ears tucked under his right arm, content to dangle and pant for all she was worth, the previously disguised Turk leapt in the air over the crowds of fleeing posh people to make a huge pointing gesture to the escape door their target was heading to. "After 'em, yo!"

Rude easily caught the gesture, and started squeezing his way through the throng, throwing on his jacket from an unseen place and undoing the bowtie he had been somewhat reluctant to wear. He had lost his own loaned puppy, the spotted one with the pricked ears, fairly early on in the dog show. Honestly, it hadn't really bothered him what the pup was getting himself into; all he needed him for was getting into the dog show. As far as Rude was concerned, the pup had done his job, and quite frankly should've been glad to sneak off and get out of his way before he decided it was more of a hindrance and removed the problem.

Naturally of course, Reno managed to get himself neck-deep in things that were far from his business, and managed to get himself and his puppy involved in one of the competitions. Watching from the sidelines, Rude had felt some humour at Reno's desperate floundering for terminology and appropriate responses, while the judging panel stared at him in mystification.

He knew he'd be remembering this moment for some time. "She has a lovely tail that curls up like a Shiba Inu, and these lovely floppy ears almost like a Shih Tzu, or more likely a Labrador; she must be mixed, but with what breeds?" Rude could vaguely understand most of what he said, though he hadn't any clue what those dogs were.

Rude could see the various stages his partner went through. He could see the desperate panic behind Reno's confident smirk, though it soon dropped as he figured out what to say in front of the crowd of people. For a second he looked thoroughly and childishly amused, probably about the awkward pronunciation of one of the breeds, and then pure panic flashed, before he put on a silly grin in hopes that he would get away with a nonsense answer. "Mixed, yeah, of course. Just, uh, regularly mixed, with the, uh...just the... the, uh, the Tzu-Labra-Inu-Shih-Dor-Shiba-Poodle-Sausage-Spanie l-Burger-Shampooey type."

At least, that's what Rude thought his stumped partner had said. After all his stumbling and hopeless stuttering, what came out was little more than a hushed grumble under his breath of the sounds he remembered, coupled with his own knowledge of what went into dogs.

Dogs were far from Rude's specialist subject, but he knew enough to know that Reno knew a huge amount less than he did. With a deliberate adjustment to his sunglasses to distract him from the tiny ache in his chest to laugh, he watched on in satisfaction as Reno continued to give some more hopeless answers to questions he'd never understand. Everyone who wasn't a little old lady fussing over their dogs was watching with widened eyes, either in disgusted astonishment that someone who knew so little could get so far in the competition, or desperately trying to hide their sniggers.

Eventually, with the three judges red in the face, they moved on from him; one asking another competitor the same questions while the others scribbled furiously onto their scoring sheets.

It was during the second competitor following Reno's interrogation that the screams started, as a huge splash startled everyone to silence, and all present looked over to see an extremely happy little dog playing in the large bowl of blackcurrant juice (the dog show was a family affair, Rude had seen four children so far) and with his tail wagging so fast, he was splashing the dark-coloured liquid all over a regal-looking woman in light clothing, who nearly looked ready to cry with the embarrassment and rage.

Rude caught Reno's smug expression directed at him, and grunted, hoping that none had seen him lead the puppy in. Fortunately no one said a word to him, even as the puppy even more thoroughly _defiled_ the drink, and leapt out of the bowl and darted away out of sight. Not before giving a huge shake in front of the furious woman to get her soaked completely, of course.

"RICHARD!" she had shrieked, and a somewhat modest-looking gentleman with greying hair and a moustache seemed to appear at her side. "Come on! After that destructive little dog! We must defend my honour, Richard! He has destroyed my light refreshments and my juice drink!" With a muttered complaint, the pair made to quickly leave, and while it took a fair few awkward moments to get over the shock, everything eventually went back to normal.

When someone hollered that the prize fund had been stolen, and the two dogs pegged for first and second were missing, it came as no surprise to most of the crowd, though they still made for the exits with screams as gunshots sounded from somewhere in the building. With Reno hoisting his loaned puppy under one arm and drawing his EMR with the other, both Turks made their way through the crowds with practised ease, heading towards the gunshots.

Always the faster of the duo, Reno reached the door first, and paused for a millisecond before darting through, the rod sparking with electricity in his hand and poised to attack. It took him a moment to figure out what was in front of him, and when he did, his reaction was logical enough.

A familiar groan came from the door Reno had disappeared through, and Rude pulled the door open just to see Reno flying from right to left through the air, a hoard of huge dogs scrambling all over each other to find out about the intruder. The only sound Rude could hear over the low, menacing barks and growls from the opposition was the higher pitched yelps and barks from Reno's puppy, still tucked under his arm in an oddly protective way. The redhead looked so frightened, the situation was almost funny.

One of the dogs' long pointed noses turned in his direction, and the Turk wasted no time; he slammed the door shut, earning a displeased and pain-filled yelp and a thud. Glancing down, he saw the spotted puppy that was meant for him burying his nose between his paws, his black spots black and his white fur somewhat purplish. Rude assumed he was alright; his ears and tail were still pricked and wagging, respectively, so he scooped the dog up (after making sure that he wasn't about to shake excess juice all over his suit, but he seemed now to be relatively dry) and left the building, heading for the back exits and ignoring the shrill voice of the middle-aged woman as she accused him of owning a brain-damaged dog.

It didn't take a massively long time to find the back exit, knowing the schematics of the building well after pouring over them for a previous mission that had taken place in the same building. Also, the large truck right outside the door did help, Rude would not deny.

The puppy leapt from his arms and ran towards the building, but he paid it no mind as the sharp-eyed Turk investigated the truck, the doors unwisely left open. There was nothing in the back except a few pieces of paperwork that he'd have a look at, so he went to the cab, knowing that it would be easy to foil their getaway simply by removing the key.

And yet, the key was not there. Rude was beyond confused. There was nothing here but papers. The doors were left open, so they wanted a quick getaway. One would think that entailed the truck running with the keys in the ignition. There must've been some very elaborate plan going on with these bizarre criminals.

After all, the only other reason he could think was that the _masterminds_ were idiots. But why would Tseng send them on this mission then?

He picked up the paperwork and read as he entered the building from the back door, and his brow creased further. This was written proof of the transaction that was agreed on, of the expensive pedigree dogs to an unknown person on the other side of the continent. Left right out in the open was proof that could have the criminal convicted. Uh...

This was just getting a tad strange.

Rude tucked the papers away in his breast pocket, and looked down the corridor; it looked a lot like the one Reno had been stuck in, but there was no sign of him, nor the huge mass of aggressive dogs that had pounced on him.

A lone bark from farther up the hallway had him cautiously walk up, his shoes clicking loudly and eerily in the odd silence that descended so quickly. He peeked around a corner, and backed away for a second, blinking rapidly behind his sunglasses.

Did he just see one dog hi-fiving another?

With his bearings gathered - somewhat - he approached a trio of dogs outside a door, with signs of a struggle all the way down the hallway. There was Reno's puppy, the one with the very fluffy tail, his own off-white spotted one, and another that was probably part of the mass of dogs attacking Reno. Rude's loaned dog approached him, bright eyes sparkling, and with a lolling tongue he raised a paw to lightly scrape at a door to Rude's right.

A second later, a force was thrust against it. "Hey, doggy, listen! I'm sorry, yo! I'll buy you all the treats in the world if you magic this door open like you closed it, little buddy!" a _very_ familiar voice hollered from behind it, and Rude took a moment to find pleasure in his pleading and his banging, reaching down to give the dog a sturdy and strong pat on the head.

Rude reached to unlock the door, but the dog pressed a paw heavily on his foot, as if telling him not to. He adjusted his glasses, faintly amused, but was confused as he scampered over to his two friends, who had been butting heads affectionately in his absence.

Reno's nails scraped against the other side of the door. "Come _onnnnn_, please, yo! Dogs are vengeful, I get it! Let me out!" Rude watched in intrigue as the burlier dog seemed to understand the other's meaning, and sniffed at the floor. Amazingly, he managed to pull up a floorboard with his teeth, claws and the help of Reno's pup, and started rooting through something that must've been interesting down there.

An unknown voice came from the other side of the door, saying, "They understand certain phrases because their meaning has been drilled into their heads since birth. They don't understand actual _words_, you moron." Everything made sense then, as he produced a pair of handcuffs in his teeth. It made much more sense, and yet, much much less. Rude didn't dwell on that though, as the cuffs and the key were dropped into his hand. Rude's dog ran off, and with the larger dog giving Reno's an affectionate lick on the side of her head, they soon followed, and disappeared around a corner.

Rude unlocked the door, glad of the darkness in the corridor that ought to hide him well enough until he did his job. "They can't understand?" Reno mockingly imitated, quickly charging out of the room, and peering curiously down the corridor. "Where'd they go, yo?"

"Who cares?!" the other voice replied, and as instantly as their target left the room and made for the other door the three dogs had been gathered around when he first arrived, Reno grabbed him and wrenched his arms behind his back, locking them together with a swift click. The eccentric criminal glanced at him from beneath wiry, long grey hair, and groaned loudly as he realised his fate.

Reno was grinning as the two Turks made the drive back to Shinra Headquarters, but he looked out through the window with a strange expression, one that Rude recognised. The bald Turk was stumped as to the circumstances leading the mission to that bizarre point, but from the expression on his partner's face, Rude wasn't ever going to know, and neither was Tseng.

Reno was either as mystified as Rude was about the whole occurrence, or something happened that was traumatizing enough to make him never wish to speak of it again. In many ways, Rude was grateful.

The 'Doberman' as Rude had heard someone call the large dog would be given to a family as a guard dog. The huge group of them were to have the same treatment, but would be looked after until then. And, as per Angeal's request, Rude and Reno returned the puppies to him; but what he did with them, neither knew. Reno fussed about it, wanting to know, but Rude was all too happy not to know. He was done with this day.


End file.
